One simple reframe to stop guilt and shame when setting boundaries.

Setting boundaries is so confusing.   It’s not about learning to not give a f%ck; rather, it is about telling ourselves the truth about what we really do care about. 

Boundaries based on responsibility.  If we’re not careful we can take on other people’s responsibilities and dismiss our own.  Or we place our responsibilities onto other people and set ourselves up to be disempowered.  

If we set boundaries based on responsibility for how others will respond or the outcome of the relationship, we abandon ourselves.  Abandoning ourselves always feels bad, not because we're bad, because it takes us away from our wholeness.  We create internal conflict.  

Cultivating self-connection is the journey of learning to have reverence for ourselves then extending it to others.  It allows us to set boundaries out of reverence, not responsibility. 

Boundaries based on reverence.  Having reverence for something or someone means to treat it with deep respect.    

Having reverence for ourselves and our relationships shifts the intention of the boundaries.  We handle ourselves differently.  We are conscientious about how we participate and contribute.  We can hold ourselves and others in high esteem as we set boundaries.  

Shifting from “responsibility for” to having “reverence for'' gives us the space to come from what matters to us.  This shift allows us to set boundaries without feeling guilty.